“Ahhh….But what will the people say?”

Before I begin, I would just like to emphasise that this written piece is in no way mean to act as a tool to pass judgement upon other sisters – neither does this article intend to cause offence or intentionally hurt the feelings of anybody. Rather this article aims to try and give genuine, practical sincere advice to those sisters that may have or experience difficulties in trying to express their full religious conviction that is accordance with Qur’an and Sunnah. I love you all for the sake of Allah azza wa jal and hope that collectively we can help improve each other in trying to attain the good pleasure of Allah, most Gracious most merciful.

Social expectations and pressures, regardless of one’s age/race/gender, play a vital role in the way others perceive us…but most importantly how we perceive ourselves.

As Muslim women this is something that we know only to well, as we face a plethora of dilemmas living in the in a range of settings such as in society and of our family. One of the most common everyday examples of this is the ever-recurring and ever-constant topic of hijab. We see this contentious issue being constantly raised and scrutinised in the Western political and social arena, as well as the religious arena…and not always in a positive light.

We are made to feel that due to us as sisters, wearing our religiously obligated attire, that we are ‘oppressed’ and are ‘not integrating’ or ‘not assimilating’ into society. Personally, I find that these claims are a great travesty and an utter dichotomy of the ‘difference and diversity’ slogan that many Western politicians try to propagate and champion, but yet choose to often negatively scrutinise the Muslim woman’s attire? Hey Sir, whatever happened to ‘difference and diversity’? (Or are Muslims not included in that slogan?)

Moreover to the point about hijab, for those sisters contemplating outwardly observing the prescribed dress code (or any other obligatory acts of Islam) but have some…reservations or…impediments and are anxious about the opinions and thoughts of others. I will try to offer some sincere words of comfort and advice.

“But it’s just so hard.”

Habibti, when you do something for the sake of Allah azza wa jal all else becomes easy. This is mentioned many times within the Qur’an, for example in Surah Ash Sharh, verses 5 and 6.

“So verily, with the hardship, there is relief, Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).”

Similarly, in Suratul Ankabut, verses 2 and 3 – Allah clearly states how even though we may find things hard, arduous or difficult, that by virtue of being a believer we will incur tests to strengthen our Iman (faith).

“Do men think that they will be left alone on saying “We believe” and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.”

Therefore, inshaAllah through conviction, perseverance, will and determination – habibti you will overcome this difficulty you may incur. Remember courage is being the way you are irrespective of what another…being (and that’s me just trying to be diplomatic) has to say or do about it. And lastly Allah never gives a person a test more than they can bear.

“Allah tests you because he knows you can handle the affliction: No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear.” – Surah Baqarah, verse 233

Therefore we should not be hung up, or care for the opinions and thoughts of another. Rather one should wilfully accept the test that Allah has bestowed – whatever it may be – and strive our hardest to do observed the commands of Allah azza wa jal…yes even if it means having to bear the brunt of what society has to say. Ultimately our purpose is to please Allah as best we can, not the people.

“I’ll do it when I am ready…or when I’m married or get older. One day…”

In regards to you ‘not being ready’ or you aim to observe it ‘when you are married’ or ‘older’, a question that springs to mind when hearing this defence mechanism is this: Habibti, who guaranteed you that ‘that day’ will be promised to you? …Even though I may be considered young by the standards of society, one must be aware of the unpredictability of life. I’m sure through many of our personal experiences, whatever it may be, we plan meticulously for an event/occasion and at the last-minute it does not go according to plan or gets cancelled altogether…y’know like CSI: Miami on CBS? Or the proposed reduction of tuition fees in the UK by Clegg and Cameron? (OK, that’s a different topic all together! Do not get me started!)

In this Sahih Bukhari hadith: Ibn ‘Umar said, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, took me by the shoulder and said, ‘Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveller on the road.” Ibn ‘Umar used to say, “In the evening, do not anticipate the morning, and in the morning do not anticipate the evening. Take from your health for your illness and from your life for your death.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

Thus, from the hadith this should further increase our awareness at our own mortality and how we should never make long-term plans or have too many expectations…for we do not know if  these expectations will materialise tomorrow or in the future to come. After all…we are not taking the opinions and thoughts of a society with us in our grave when we die are we?

As I draw to a close, remember that this advice goes for me also as well as you my dear sisters. Insha’Allah I hope that you found this piece helpful and beneficial in helping you strive to attain the good pleasure of Allah azza wa jal. May Allah make it easy for you all xoxo Amin Amin Amin.

If you are feeling alone and deserted by all in your quest to please Allah, remember that the Prophet (SAW) also felt this way. This is exhibited throughout his life – but especially in the Prayer of Taif:

“O Allah! I complain to You of my weakness, my scarcity of resources and the humiliation I have been subjected to by the people. O Most Merciful of those who are merciful. O Lord of the weak and my Lord too. To whom have you entrusted me?

To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy to whom you have granted authority over my affair? So long as You are not angry with me, I do not care. Your favor is of a more expansive relief to me. I seek refuge in the light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right, lest Your anger or Your displeasure descends upon me. I desire Your pleasure and satisfaction until You are pleased.

There is no power and no might except by You.”

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Why isn’t it happening for me?!

Before I begin I would like to just highlight that there are a multitude of reasons as to why our dua’s (supplications) are not being answered…some we are aware of others we don’t. As a fellow sister what I aim to do is just give some sincere pointers and advice, in the hope that this will make both you and me improve the chances of our dua being answered by Allah azza wa jal. This is a reflective piece and is no way used a judgement tool for or to anybody.

1) Self Assessment

Before we make dua (supplication) and when we are making it, we have to assess  ourselves. Habibti, what I mean is we have to think critically assess and internally reflect upon what we are doing with our lives and where we are with Allah azza wa jal.

In Surah Ar Ra’d, verse 11 Allah clearly states:

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron.”

From this, one can conclude that until you and me change ourselves, we cannot expect Allah to change our condition. In this current political climate we are in – what with the dictators of the Arab world falling down like Dominoes – this is clearly evident. Similarly I will give you a few examples, say…a bully…if you are a bully and you’re crying out with “YA RABB, YA RABB! Have mercy upon me!”. It’s all well and good you making this dua – and inshaAllah I do hope it’s answered – but you expect Allah to show you mercy, but yet you could not show mercy to another slave of Allah? Really though?

Another example would be of the student that expects to get an A* on their assignments….but stays playing FIFA and Call of Duty all day everyday. Dude! You expect to get these amazing grades and alhamdullilah yeah that’s great that you’re making dua….but you aren’t doing any work!? Akhi what happened to Tawwakul and Tawfiq?

Of course this advice goes to me first as well as you the reader. But all in all, self assessment is key and without out it we won’t have any direction on how to improve ourselves.

2) Conditions to Dua

Habibti, this a just a little reminder…y’know…sister to sister…slave to slave…when you are doing dua please remember that you shouldn’t put conditions to your dua. Sometimes it may be done without you knowing that you are doing it, e.g. “oh Allah may you please do this if…or if it is in your will.”

The Prophet said: “Let not any one of you say, ‘O Allah, forgive me if You will, O Allah, have mercy on me if You will.’ Let him be resolute in the matter, whilst knowing that no one can compel Allah to do anything.” [Sahih Bukhari and Muslim]

Therefore upon this, we should know that we are only mere slaves of Allah azza wa jal and should not put conditions to our dua. Who are we to do this?!

3) Impatience and the belief that you dua won’t be answered.

Whenever we make dua we should always hope for the best, that our dua will be answered by Allah’s mercy and will. So positivity in one’s thinking can do a great deal of good. Allah clear states that He is with those that have Sabr (patience) and perseverance – verily he never fails in his promise. And sister you need to be firm in this belief that he will help you xoxo

Having said this, on the other end of the spectrum….there lies the  impatient person. If you are impatient in your dua, it is likely that your dua  not be answered,  but in the end Allahu Alem (Allah knows best).

 It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (Radiallhu Anhu) that the Messenger of Allah said: “(The Dua) of any one of you will be answered so long as he is not hasty in seeking a response and does not say, ‘I prayed but I have not had a response.’” [Narrated by Sahih al-Bukhari, 5981; Sahih Muslim, 2735]

From this hadith, this substantiates the point that being hasty in making your duas Habibti will make it hard to be answered. Instead try and have faith and patience, that is more pleasing to Allah and even better for your mental and spiritual well being ❤ 🙂

4) Asking for something sinful

This pretty much goes without saying, but making to dua for something haram is a complete no-no! Common sense should tell you this that a dua that is made for something haram CANNOT and WILL NOT be fulfilled.

Abu Hurayrah reports that Muhammad said: “A person’s Dua will continue to be answered so long as he does not pray for something sinful or for the breaking of family ties.” Narrated by Sahih Muslim

InshaAllah I really do hope that whatever you will ask for, as long as it’s according to Qur’an and Sunnah, is fulfilled. Amin Amin Amin. ❤

5) That Uncle Ahmed that we saw 5 Eids ago…..whoopps

Keeping and maintaining family ties, the bond of kinships, is essential. Islamically we are required to do so and the non compliance of this has an immense impact upon our position with Allah and obvious everyday repercussions. We are encouraged not to break this bond of kinship. So whether it’s inviting old uncle Ahmed for dinner once in a while or ringing up that distant Aunty you (selectively) forgot about – we should still endeavour to maintain our closeness with these people are they have rights over you. Remember Habibti you will be held accountable.

Like I mentioned before, this advice goes for me first as well as you  my sisters. And inshaAllah I hope this was beneficial to you. May Allah be please with you all 🙂 Amin Amin Amin xoxo

N. AbdurRahman

Hello world!! :)

Hey Sisters!! ❤

Welcome to my blog!! I’m still a little new at this so bare with me, erm….yeah…this is my first introduction to the blogging world. I have just released my first blog called “Why isn’t it happening for me?!” – this addresses about 5 main reasons as to why your duas (supplicatations) may not be answered. What my aim is, is to out one or two blogs a month that addresses contentions issues, scenarios and situations that face us as muslim women – and to try and provide genuine advice and solution of how to tackle the issue/problem incurred.

Insha’Allah upon reading my blogs, all feedback would be of the utmost appeciation alhamdullilah so us as sisters can make the site and material more efficient and more able to cater to our needs. If you have any comments, questions, suggestions, ideas for possible topics or anything please don’t hesitate to put it in the comment box. 🙂

For the sake of Allah, I hope this blog is useful and beneficial to you all as my sisters in Islam :).

LOVE YOU LOTS,

Nusrat xoxo

17/9/2012